I'm doing well, considering.
No really! Lots of folks in the online PVNS forums can't tolerate 400mg of Gleevec which is the chemo I am on, but I think I am tolerating it pretty well. I give the credit to all the folks out there praying for me. We might not be able to erase the tumor with prayer but your love and support sure help me shoulder the burden of treatment.
My stomach aches are at a minimum and the headaches also are less. I am just tired, and a bit confused. The kids joke that I have "brain loss" which is funny. Jokes are all I have to hold on to, and I really want to laugh and smile right now.
But I really do have trouble doing things like I used to. For example every morning I follow the same routine to shower and get ready for my day. Every morning the exact routine. (OCD much?) Well, this week I did my routine wrong. I got confused and I forgot what I was doing.
And at church today I had trouble reading out loud. I misspoke reading the Bible several times in Sunday school and during the sermon. Luckily I am a manuscript preacher so I have something to hold on to in the pulpit, but if you see me looking down more often that's why.
On the whole, I am just muted and tired. Its like someone turned down the volume knob on my life. The grey days don't help. Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but its like the whole world has dimmed just a bit in sync with my tired body/brain.
It's like I've lost some of my glow, my spark, my ray of hope and sunshine. Its like I've lost some of my moxie. About 400 mg of moxie to be exact.
Brain fog. Its maybe the worst part. I stand in my house and turn in a circle remembering what I was supposed to do. Caffeine helps, bright light does not for me- my meds make me very light sensitive. Sending you clear brain skies!
ReplyDeleteOCD much? STILL???? Ha! I ALWAYS tell people about when my super tidy bff and I lived together we didnt work out because I throw my clothes in a pile; hers are neatly folded and hung. My CDs were in a heap and not necessarily in the right cases; hers were in alpha order in a drawer. Miss you Schmo!
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