So that we can all do better

Or . . . why I am writing this blog

I have several selfish reasons for writing this blog.
1. I love to write and now I have something interesting to write about
2. I want those from past lives and experiences to pray for me if they are the praying type
3. I will need a cheering squad when I am learning to walk again (if amputation is in the future)

But the main reason I am writing this blog is so that we can all do better.  All of us want to offer the best love and care we can for those we know who are suffering with illness.  I know in all the years I've been in ministry (coming up on 13 now) I have walked with tons of people through times of suffering.  There have been friends and loved ones with terrible diagnoses, terrible grief and loss in the family, and even journeys all the way to death where loved ones move on without me.  Having my own experience of illness is opening my eyes to the ways I offer care for others.

Many of my friends are other clergy and we are always striving to give the best care we can.  But when something happens to us, our perspective changes.  I recently had a clergy colleague die, and as he was approaching death he had some fresh insights.  I had thought of those things before (duh!) but still, they were powerful things for him.  Maybe you will have already realized all the things I am currently learning (duh!).  If so, good for you.  But we could all do better.

I had no idea that the most difficult part about my diagnosis would not be how I felt about it, it would be how other people felt.  The care and concern of those around me is such a weight and a burden.  The love everyone has feels heavy, not light.  It takes way more energy for me to deal with everyone else's grief around my diagnosis then to deal with my own.  I didn't know it would be like this.

Now I know when I am around someone who is suffering, I want to give them so much more space.  Just let them talk about how they are feeling, their own fears and concerns.  Or not talk about it at all.  I love the weekends at home because we don't talk about my foot, unlike the work week where it comes up in nearly every meeting.  I am learning that the best way to offer support is to offer space.  And we could all do better.

If you find yourself here in this blog, please do not take offense.  You are certainly not the only person to have offered advice (love), told me to look for a second opinion (hope), or asked me about my foot (care) when I didn't really want to talk about it.  We have all made these mistakes, me included.  And we can all do better.

My hope here is to share my authentic experience of illness.  And my insights as one who so often offers comfort and care into all the ways I can do that better in the future.  We can all do better, but only if we share our honest truths with each other.

In other news . . . My foot hurts more today but my stomach hurts less.  I think that's a good thing.

Love to all and thanks for your sweet and caring love for me.  God is with us and we always have a chance to do better as we express our love for each other.