Every day I walk

I used to walk all the time.  It is one of my favorite activities and my only good source of exercise.  Before I was on this chemo I would put the kids on the bus and then take my dog Candie for a walk.  Down we go to the end of the trail and then turn back.  Its about a mile.  Before I got sick she and I would double the route on weekends, days when I didn't have to get home and get right to the office on time.  Walking was easy.  It was light and freeing and I always felt like I could go farther and do more.

I still walk every day.  Candie is ready and we go each morning.  But now I am so tired.  Walking on the asphalt trail feels like walking in mud or walking under water.  Each step takes so much more effort.  Each walk is so much harder than it used to be.

I try to ignore my aching body and the little voice inside my head which tells me I should just lay down on the asphalt and rest awhile.  Candie doesn't mind if we have a slower pace.  And as I ignore my oppressive fatigue I try to notice everything outside myself.

I never take my phone when I walk.  No music or podcasts.  Just me and the birds and the bugs.  And of course, Candie.  I love to listen to the sound of my breath and Candie's breath together.  And I look and look for the beauty of the world.  The dew on the morning grass, the tiny spider webs that dot the lawn in hopes of a future meal, the golden leaves shimmering as they fall from a tree, the little snail that makes his own labored journey.  We are all there together, nature and I, and I am sure I am not the only creature out there who might not be feeling their best today.

I walk every day.  I refuse to give up.  It's a lot harder then it used to be  - but still I go.

Plus - this girl is always ready to go with me.