For me, one of the greatest struggles of this process is my inability to do anything. Days on end spent on the couch are the worst. I read and sew and watch a little TV. Play candy crush and surf Facebook. I do way too much online shopping. Oh well. I hate doing nothing. On my days off I love to keep busy, grocery shopping, cleaning house, working in the yard. Even on my Sabbath days I'm in the quilt room, baking, and making tasty dinners for the family. Now I am literally doing nothing, every day.
Yesterday I did too much. Got up at one point and tried to cross the room without my crutches. My foot was OK but I strained my back. I always forget that its not just the surgery site that is upset but the whole body gets thrown out of whack.
We also had a big blow up with the kids. I know lots of readers know my kids and they are pretty good at school but like every kid at home they like to push the boundaries. One in particular was in rare form last night that resulted in punishment, anger, and tears. I am the primary disciplinarian and as it became clear that the mom-hammer needed to come down I ended up getting myself upstairs and after them before anyone realized what was happening. Needless to say, everyone was sad and sorry and I was really sore by the end of the night last night.
That is pretty normal behavior for kids and moms. This time of rest and recovery is really hard on everyone in the family. And it embarrassing to have our meltdowns at my parents' house instead of the privacy of our own home. We are all ready to move out but my Mom isn't having it. She still wants me under her watchful eye. And she knows I'm likely to do too much too soon.
I can't take this silly boot off and it has a big rounded front so it makes the knee scooter nearly impossible. That means crutches only. Which means I can't carry anything anywhere. I could make dinner, but not bring it to the table. Pour a cup of coffee but not carry it to a place to sit. Make kids lunches but not get them in back packs. Plus, truth be told, I can only stand for about 5 minutes max so all that is pie in the sky anyway. And so, we are all stuck here. And my parents' are super generous to take care of all of us, but really, we would all rather be at home.
And so this is the hard work of recovery. I really really don't like it. My mental health struggles along with my spirit. These are dark days. But we must keep going. At some point this too shall pass.
Here is the view out my window this morning. Pretty much sums up how I feel.
Daniel came to church with us and I told him you would not be preaching because you had your foot operated on. I told him it would be a surprise to see who would be preaching. He said maybe it would be a Chiefs player since they had the day off. Henry Croes was great - but still not a Chiefs player.
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