Shot in the Back

It's been a while and I need to update you all on how I'm doing.  Last Friday I had my sympathetic nerve block in the lumbar region.  Not fun!

First, this procedure happens at a special outpatient surgery center.  Which is great if you are in a hurry but less great if you are afraid.  Lots of people moving in and out of various waiting areas and operating rooms.  It is early January so my day starts out by paying my full deductible up front.  "I hope you take a credit card."

I am hustled into the back room where I do prep which includes nothing.  I put a hospital gown on over my clothes and booties on over my shoes.  Good look.  The pain doctor comes to see me and draws with a marker on the side of my back we are doing.  Then I wait.

"Someone is in there now so it will be 10 minutes."

I am alone and I am scared.  I focus on my breath and relaxing and prayer.  I ask myself what I am so afraid of.  I am afraid that it will hurt and be scary.  Ok, I tell myself.  I can do it.  Just relax.

The wheelchair brings a man back to the area next to mine, gets wiped down, and picks me up.  We roll back into the operating room which is just as cold and foreboding as every other room I've been operated on in.

Everyone has big aprons and I ask why.  Its because they will do x-rays and with x-rays all day they need to protect themselves.

They ask me to lay face down on the skinniest table ever and put my head into a little massage pillow.  I make jokes about how much I paid for this and ask if they will be giving me a massage as well.  Trying to be funny and trying to calm myself down.

I lay into this little pillow and look at nothing.  Unlike the massage table there is no hole to see out of.  I am so scared at this point.  So very scared.

They pull up the back of my shirt and the nurse says "I'm going to pull down your pants".  Great.  She pulls them down half way and folds them over.  It is freezing in this room and half my butt is on display.  "just relax"  yeah right!

Doctor comes in and tries to be friendly.  First the numbing agent.  "pinch and a burn"  Oh GOD!  I'm crying out in pain.  Needle into the side of my lower back and it burns like Satan's fire.  Son of a Biscuit!

OK, now pressure.  The doctor begins pressing the needle closer and closer to my spine, deeper and deeper in my back.  I don't know until later but he is coming in at a deep angle so he can hit the interior portion of my spine.

At this point I am in extreme pain and completely terrified.  Everything I counseled myself about earlier is happening.  This is literally my worst nightmare.  I am face down into the pillow and trying to relax.  I know my tense muscles will make it hurt more.  I listen to my heart beat being projected loudly into the room and try to calm down.

Pain pain pain as the needle moves deeper and deeper.  I can feel the table moving up and down as he asks for x-rays and tries to get into just the right place.  I can't help but cry out "Oh God!" and "I don't like this"  I can feel the pressure in the front of my body on the table, like he's hitting my ovaries or something.

Finally he starts to say, "we're getting close".  The contrast dye goes in and finally, after about 10 minutes which feels like an eternity, the medicine goes into my back.  And finally finally, the needle comes out.

I am so sad, and in so much pain.  I look back over my shoulder and ask to see the needle.  "Are you sure?"  Its 12 inches long and they show me that it went in more than half way.

They ask me to climb off the table and I just want to die.  I make a joke about a massage again and then say "just kidding, don't touch my back."  I ask lots of questions as I get into the wheelchair.  They do upwards of 25 of these a day from the sacrum to the neck.  No thanks.

I'm wheeled back to the waiting area, stripped of my gown, told to take it easy and am sent home.

My Dad drove me so I look for him in the waiting area.  We slowly make our way to the car and as we walk I ask if I can hold his hand.  I am so scared, shaken up, and in pain.  In the car I cry for awhile.  Not fun.

On the whole, I would not recommend this procedure to my worst enemy.  I could do it if you put me asleep.  Wide awake it was literally torture.  Plus, it didn't work at all!  I had a numb thigh for a day and that was it.  Thanks but no thanks.

It has taken a week for me to recover.  Ice packs and sore back.  But I have survived and am so thankful it is past now.

Other than this terrible episode on the whole I am doing well.  Physical therapy has been a pleasant surprise, I will write on that next time.  And we are four weeks into my anti-depressants.  Which means I'm starting to feel like things will be OK.  Even if I am in constant pain.

Blessings friends.  And watch out for those shots in the back.  Not recommended!